As a teenage Mochaface, I often felt infinite with the different paths laid before me. Each path representing a different life choice and the possibilities of what could be. I didn't think much about my own mortality.
That's the privilege of the young. There is no worry, no fear. Just life and all its opportunities stretched before them.
As I got older and chose my paths, that infinite feeling became more elusive. I didn't even notice it at first. But I started to feel it less and less as my opportunities narrowed based on what I chose.
And now these last few months, I have felt incredibly mortal. It might be a natural part of getting older, and the recent death of my grandfather combined with the news of the woman who was thrown from The Texas Giant at Six Flags Over Texas and the sudden death of Kidd Kraddick has made me think about it more than I have before.
But I really think it is motherhood that has made me realize how much this life is finite. And how much I'm grateful to experience it.
I know this is a morbid subject. It's just been on my mind a lot lately as we work to get life insurance and our wills drawn up.
I'm not going to make some proclamation about living each day to the fullest. But I am going to strive to find something in each day that made me happy and be grateful for it.
Weirdly, in addition with my realization of my own mortality, is again that feeling of being infinite. Something that usually occurs when I think about Willa and what life might hold for her.