Thursday, June 27, 2013

Nugget (Month 3)

Dear Willa,

You and I went through a major change this month, and it can be summed up in one word... daycare. The end of my maternity leave came, which meant I had to go back to work and you went to daycare. It was a hard transition for one of us. The other took to it like a dog will take to an easily accessible plate of bacon.

To get myself ready for that moment when I would drop you off for your first full day, I took you in for a couple hours one afternoon the week before I went back to work. It turned out to be a smart move as it made that first full day MUCH easier than it would have been otherwise.

Coinciding with your start at daycare, you stopped sleeping through the night for a couple weeks. I don't know if it was the change or a growth spurt you were going through. Sleep deprivation from getting up to nurse you in the middle of the night plus working full-time was something I was not looking forward to about going back to work. But it's nice to know that I can do it and survive.

It's only been a few weeks in this new routine, but so far you're still breastfeeding. They said in our breastfeeding class we took before you were born to make small goals for breastfeeding. My first goal had been to get through the first few days til we both learned and got a rhythm going. The second goal was to nurse a month, then it was until the end of my maternity leave, and currently the first month back at work. My next goal is to make it to the six month mark. 

Developmentally, you've gotten good at controlling your hands. You like to bring them to your mouth to suck on your fist or pull the hand of whoever is holding you to your mouth. And you're so close to rolling over.

I miss spending my days with you, baby girl. I think about you often and will scroll through the pictures and videos on my phone while I pump at work. When it's time to call it quits, I don't hesitate to pack up my stuff and head home because I can't wait to hang out with you all evening.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Road Rage

I have never claimed to be a lady. Never is this more obvious than when I am driving. I can get a little road rage-y.

You see, I have a tendency to swear while I drive. The SWEAR kind of swearing. And I do it a lot. I swear without thinking. It's my instinctive reaction to jerks who think they're kings of the road and drivers who aren't paying attention. Most of the time, the words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about what I'm saying.

My sister always jokes that she can tell when I'm driving when she calls because our conversations go something like this:

Me: Hey La.

Laura: Hey Sissy.

Me: How are - gas pedal is the one on the right jackass. 

Just one example among many.

With the arrival of Willa, I realized that this particular habit needs to be changed. True I've got a little bit of time before she starts to repeat what I say. But it's not that far away. And given how the swearing flies out of my mouth with abandon, I better get started now on breaking myself of it.

This is not going to be easy.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

ANSWER - Tuesday Trivia: MLB

What major league baseball team hit into two triple plays in the same game?

The Boston Red Sox, in 1990. The team that turned the triple plays, the Minnesota Twins, ended up losing the game, 1-0.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Tuesday Trivia: MLB

Tuesday Trivia is a weekly post of interesting trivia questions. Leave a comment with your answer - or best guess - and come back tomorrow to see if you were right. Happy guessing!


What major league baseball team hit into two triple plays in the same game?

Monday, June 17, 2013

A New Goal

More than six years ago I made changes in my life in an effort to be healthier and lose weight. Being extremely dedicated and determined to reach those goals (It really is true: When you put your mind to it, anything is possible. But it was not easy. There is no quick trick or magic pill.), I was successful and maintained my weight loss for nearly five years. Until I got pregnant.

I had to make a conscious effort not to let the scale's growing number get to me during my pregnancy. I stayed as active as I could and resolved that whatever weight was leftover after Willa was born, I would lose with the same dedication and determination I had six years ago.

Now that I'm on the other side, I've managed to lose all but a bit of that pregnancy weight. But what I thought would be a doggedness to lose those last pounds has turned into desire to continue breastfeeding Willa as long as I can, at the expense of getting back to pre-pregnancy form.

I'm nervous enough about how long I'll be able to continue breastfeeding while working full time. I pump at work and try to get in 2-3 nursing sessions at home. I don't want to worry about how a hard focus on losing weight might deplete my supply.

Don't get me wrong. I will continue to do my best to make healthy choices and watch my portions. Not to mention being active as much as I can. (I still do Bar Method but not nearly as often as I was before Willa was born. Nursing means I don't have the time before or after work to go, but I do manage to get in a class on Saturdays.)

Willa and her needs take priority over losing the last of the pregnancy weight. And I'm okay with that as there will come a time when she no longer nurses and I can once again focus on my goal.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Logical is Not Always Rational

Yesterday was my first day back at work in more than 10 weeks. In preparation for what I knew was going to be a difficult transition, I took Willa into daycare as a dry run last week for a few hours. 

Walking out and leaving her there was, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever done.

I sat in my car for 10 minutes in the daycare parking lot sobbing. Before I left to run a couple errands I had planned, I called my mom for some good old maternal support. (I scared her with my crying when she first answered the phone until I could get the words out to explain.)

As I drove to my first stop, I cried and didn't stop while I sat in my car for another 10 minutes in the store's parking lot.

Visiting and picking a daycare all those months ago, I couldn't comprehend how it would feel to actually leave her there. At the time it was a logical choice. I would be returning to work after she was born (and John would be working full time), ergo we needed some kind of childcare for Willa. Made sense. 

But in actuality, what was originally a logical choice, did not feel so clear and necessary. I was irrational. My emotions were more than involved. They had taken over my brain and screamed WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING LEAVING YOUR BABY?!?!

I didn't have an answer. So I cried. And cried. And cried.

The good thing about being in that emotional vise last week is that it made my first day back at work (and Willa's first full day in daycare) not as bad as it could have been.

Don't get me wrong. I still missed her like crazy. I ached to hold her and kiss those great big cheeks of hers. I missed her big, mouthy grin and the coos she makes as she kicks her legs. But I managed to drop her off with minimal crying and actually didn't cry in my office like I thought I would.

Though dropping her off in the morning will get easier, I don't think I'll ever not miss her. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Book Review: The Twelve Tribes of Hattie

The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis

Born and raised in the South, Hattie Shepherd moves to Philadelphia when she's 15. She gets pregnant soon therafter and marries a man who will only disappoint and frustrate her efforts at fulfilling her dreams. We come to know Hattie through twelve different stories, one for each of her children. 

Every story has its own tragedy and a study of nature v. nurture. Hattie is not a warm, loving mother. In part because of the loss of two of her children. But also in part because she had to be. Her husband did not have much work ethic and spent the majority of their money on alcohol and much of his free time with other women. If it were not for Hattie's cold grit and determination, her children would have starved.

It took me a couple chapters to adjust to the different stories but once I did, I became engrossed in vividness of the storytelling. I kept waiting for the stories to be tied together, but with the exception of a few throwaway mentions, it never happens. If you like closure in your books, you won't find it in this one. But I think it actually works for this story of how messy life is and how rarely life actually gets tied up in a nice package with a pretty bow. It made it more real. A great read.

Next month - One Good Dog by Susan Wilson

Disclosure: No one paid me in any way, form or fashion for this review.