2012. I don't know if I could sum up this year in a single sentence if I had a month to work on it. Instead, I have gone through my posts for the year and picked out my favorites. I know some of you are relatively new around here so I hope you enjoy these posts.
Life has been a quick succession of busy nothings. Time slips by seeping into the ether carrying me forward regardless of what I want. Like a creek carrying a paper sail boat towards deeper water.
But it reminded me of when I was a wee little Mochaface in sixth grade. When I had the biggest spelling brain fart and forgot how to spell mine.
If you're not going to dream big, why bother dreaming at all. That's the overachiever motto.
But luckily my friends had clued me in so when I walked into a room of six large comfy recliners instead of individual rooms with single tables, I didn't freak or accidentally get naked.
Tumbleweeds blew across the dusty street as we stared each other down. Each of us willing the other to make the first move, but neither wanting to actually move. We weighed and measured each other for strengths and weaknesses.
So the day he called me mid-morning while at work, I knew something was wrong before I even picked up the phone.
I overshot where I started by about 25 yards. But dammit this time I did not have to be rescued from the middle of the lake.
Then you make a mental note that you need a better response plan for the days you accidentally bring a sex toy to work, and you wonder if you've taken drugs and forgotten about it because this behavior is totally not like you?
Because women can be a rescue-er. Because happiness is the result of a choice, not a wedding. Because love and marriage are hard. And vampires do NOT make the best boyfriends.
When you spend that much time in a wet swimsuit, you learn that the fastest, easiest way to pee without trying to get a wet suit back on is to just pull the crotch to one side, take care of business and then cover your lady bits back up.
But as long as I don't make any inadvertent sex noises, I'm probably okay.
So as the afternoon began to wane, the Gardener brought out His pruning shears and began to cut away some of the growth. The rose bush wept for her lost limbs, the beautiful buds and even those shrewd thorns. For they had been part of her.
Always I had known what my next step would be well before I needed to take it. College after high school. Graduate school after undergraduate. But at that time, there was a big bend in my road, and I couldn't see past my headlights. And it freaked me out.
Maybe that's why I've never become a great equestrian.
It was in that moment that I realized karma had come for me.
It's another battle to get him to sit still again for his leash, and once it's on, he's back at the door with his nose in the crack taut with the anticipation of all that awaits him outside.
Yup. The Mochaface household is growing. We're having baby!
And yet once again my period came. I've never really liked my period. (What woman does?) But by this point, I've really begun to hate it. What it represents. Or rather what it doesn't represent.
Now I'm scared that losing any residual weight from this pregnancy won't be as easy or smooth as it was back then because I'm now older and no longer single.
Let me tell you something. Lying on a cold metal table in the dark with legs wide open with two people you haven't known longer than 15 minutes who just moments ago were staring at your cervix while a speculum is holding your vagina open is not exactly the most comfortable situation to be in.
I am acutely aware of every pregnant woman I see. I can't stop myself from staring at their bellies wondering what it's like. Wishing with all that I am that I was complaining of swollen ankles, constant peeing, and the heat commiserating with them on being pregnant during a Texas summer.
The next time you moved, I knew for sure that it was you because there was nothing else it could possibly be. And for the next few minutes, I sat still and reveled in the strange and yet most wonderful feeling I've had in my entire life. A feeling that for a couple months earlier this year I wasn't sure I would get to experience.
We'll never know why us. But those hard months reinforced a lesson for me on the importance of faith. And if nothing else, it has made me really appreciate our growing miracle.
Friday evening on my way to the store, I got a call from John to come home immediately as our house had been broken into. I immediately turned around and got home as fast as I could alternating between mentally making a list of things they possibly could have taken and freaking out about Cooper as John didn't give me any indication if he was okay.
So far I've lucked out and haven't had any strangers touching my belly. Though there has definitely been a lot of unsolicited advice. Most of it is well intentioned so it doesn't bother me.