Friday, November 4, 2011

An Apple a Day

Health is important. Without it, we'd be, well, dead. I always make sure to visit my doctors at least once a year for a physical just to make sure nothing changed drastically over the last 12 months.
When I turned 18, in addition to my annual physical with my general practitioner, I started going to a lady doctor to get my lady bits checked annually.

A few weeks ago, I went to see my doctor for one of those yearly pap smears - or as my insurance company likes to call it... woman wellness exam. Because apparently we don't use the words pap smear in polite company. It's a good thing this ole blog here isn't polite company.

During my appointment, I chattered away with my doctor to keep my mind off what was going on with my lady bits. And as I lay there gushing about how awesome bikram yoga, we had reached the part of the exam where the doc has her hand poking around inside your vagina.

She suddenly got quiet as she prodded my abdomen. "Is that tender there?"

You mean that spot that you're poking from both inside and outside my body? Yeah. That's tender.

Apparently what she was feeling was a fullness on the right side. She couldn't tell if it was ovarian or bowel or something else. She smiled as if there wasn't much to be concerned about as she told me to book a follow up appointment in a couple weeks.

And since she seemed not too worried, I booked my appointment and then promptly forgot about it. 

Until I went back earlier this week. After she once again stuck her hand up my lady bits and still felt the fullness, she announced she wanted me to get a sonogram to get a better look so she could tell whether it was ovarian, bowel or something else.

A vaginal sonogram.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the vaginal sonogram - like I was up until a few days ago - it's not like what you see in the movies where they squirt cold jelly on your belly and move the wand around and you see grainy pictures of your insides.

For a vaginal sonogram, they stick the probe - that's what the doctor called it, a probe, never mind what kind of images that conjured - up your lady bits and you see grainy pictures of your insides.

While I sat on the exam table naked from the waist down waiting for the tech to come get me for the sonogram, my imagination ran away, desperately trying to think of anyone anyone who had a similar experience.

I freaked out.

In those 15-20 minutes while I waited, I couldn't help but think of every possible negative scenario. 

Finally the tech came in. It took every ounce of will power during the sonogram not to hysterically ask what she was seeing. 

Luckily I didn't have to wait long to find out everything was fine. Just a little bigger on the right side due to what was probably a cyst that ruptured. All completely normal.

After which news my whole body unclenched and relaxed. 

This is why people don't like going to the doctor.

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