Thursday, January 13, 2011

Life Questions

It must be some law of the ancients that states as soon as a couple weds, you must start asking about when, if or some combination of when/if they're going to start popping out that great tax deduction also known as kids.

Hell, I got that question twice at our wedding reception. Our. Wedding. Reception. For all that is holy and grilled cheese, we had only been married less than a few hours. And yet people felt that was the most appropriate time to inquire after the potential result of our sex life.

So when a friend of mine asked me last month, how often I get The Question All Married Couples Are Bound By Ancients Law to Be Asked combined with learning that we're the favorites in DH's office pool for the next to have our very own crotch parasite, I started thinking about the Life Questions we ask and get asked. (My answer to her btw was at least once a week.)

Because it's not just the When Are You Having Babies Question to married couples. It's the When Are You Getting Married/Engaged Question to dating couples. Or, How's Your Dating Life Question to singletons. It's always something. Because that list of Life Questions is not short.

What I find most perplexing is how it doesn't really bother me when people ask. Maybe it's because most of the time it's either a joke between us (Hi. Pregnant yet?) or I can tell the person is genuinely interested in my life, is curious to know and that's how they show their interest... by asking. Which is how we're taught.

Or it's obvious they've found such bliss in their life decisions, and they just want others to have a piece of that bliss.

Now I had exactly two psychology courses and one sociology course in college. So this makes me about as qualified as an advice columnist to talk about other people's motivations because sweet grilled cheebus knows sometimes I have a hard enough time figuring out my own motivations when it comes to some of my decisions. But those are the general impressions I'm left with whenever I'm fielding those questions.

What really grinds my gears is when people add some sort of time expectation to the end of the question. Often it comes in the form of soon. Are you and DH going to have kids anytime soon? (Is it because I'm turning 30 this year?) Well, define soon. We're not having a baby today. Or nine months from today.

What I've noticed recently is that people on the Have Kids but DON'T BE IN A RUSH side of this Question of the Ancients are as vocal as the Having Kids SOON? side. Everyone has an answer to the kids question. The thing is it was the answer for them.

Our answer is... somewhere. I don't know where yet. But when we do find it, I'm sure we'll be defrosting Venus.

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