Monday, November 15, 2010

I Would Name All the Monkeys Something Like Captain HotPants or General Gibbons

Hey! You remember when we chatted about our small oven/microwave combo unit, and we were all like ZOMG a wee oven, how cute! How silly those 1970s people were with their smaller dimensions. People were so tiny back then!

Yeah well, 1970s homebuilder strikes again. Only this time it's cabinet pulls.
We are this close *holds fore finger and thumb close together* to finishing the cabinets. Like DONE finishing. Two steps away. Two. Steps. Then all that would be left is to put on new hardware and reattach the doors. Simple right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!1 Think again my friends.

Mr. Homebuilder Guy (or whoever the fuck picked out the hardware) - I like to picture him with mutton chops, a mustache to rival Tom Selleck's and pants so tight his mother wondered if she'd ever get grandchildren - decided it would be a brilliant idea to use a pull that is 4 1/4" measured center to center. Well, I can't find a hardware store that carries even one (1) pull that length. And I've been to many in the Hunt for Cabinet Hardware.

So naturally, I turned to the Internets, thinking for sure that the World Wide Webs would save the day. But it is a sads day because for the first time in the history of ever, the Internets disappoints me and doesn't have much in the way of what I'm looking for. Instead my options are kitschy pulls that I just can't bring myself to put in my kitchen.


Here are our options:

An octopus

A monkey with a wine bottle.

The monkey with a wine bottle would be kinda cute if this was our second home, something like a cottage in the hills of West Virginia or on South Padre Island where I didn't give a fuck how kitschy the kitchen looked. Only that it was fully stocked of wine. And monkeys apparently.
The exact, 1970s pull that we started with. I wish this were a joke.

DH says this is an option if we can't find anything else. To which I say PSHAW. I'M NOT PUTTING THIS IN MY KITCHEN AGAIN. IT'S HIDEOUS. His reply: That there's strong fightin' words. Me: Yeah, well, I feel strongly about it.

There were some decent options. Like this one:
Only they're all either $20 a piece (20 bucks per handle? They must be dreaming.) or take 1-2 weeks even to ship. And being this close *holding fingers up again* to done after so much time working on this project, I want to be done. Like NOW. Not to mention that I'm having my cookie exchange in less than 3 weeks and wanted those cabinets D-O-N-E DONE in time for that. Even though no one will care but me.

So now we either have to buy a different size pull and drill an extra hole into the already finished doors. Or buy the ones that fit and hope they arrive in time.


Bob Vila, where are you when I need you?

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