Friday, October 22, 2010

Haunted

It's not a constant haunting. I'm going along with Life minding my own business, enjoying whatever it is I'm into at the moment. They pop up out of nowhere and remind me, and I cringe at their memories.

My mistakes haunt me. Big ones. Small ones. Mistakes from way back. And some from in the not so distant past. Every time I start to think I've put them behind me, I'm reminded and haunted by the memory that at some point I messed up.

Then they disappear again and fool me into thinking they're gone. Because I can never seem to grab onto them and rip off their masks to reveal the gardener or caretaker behind the haunting ala Scooby-Doo.

I'm human, and humans make mistakes. But I have this thing where I don't like to be weak. I used to say that my biggest fear in life was that I would be mediocre. I don't want to be mediocre.

The further I get from the mistakes, the less often they surprise me with their ghostly sounds and rattling chains. But I wonder if I'll ever be able to think of them without inwardly cringing at my own stupidity.

I guess they have a purpose. They remind me not to make the same mistake again. They keep me humble. But I still wish I could forget them completely.

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