Thursday, August 19, 2010


When I was about 12 or so, I had a plan (of course you did little Mochaface, you Type A of the Type A-ers you). I was going to finish college. Live on my own for a year so I could experience living on my own terms by myself. And then get married. Specific and measurable. All in all, a good plan.

Only Life didn't go according to plan. Big surprise there.

And while I am incredibly satisfied and, dare I tempt the fates with this next word, happy with my Life and the route I took to get where I am today (because it wasn't always easy Lord knows, but it was fun. Like the night I drank too much on an empty stomach and passed out in the bathroom blocking the door so my friends couldn't come in. That night was fun. The next day? Not so much.), I can't help but look at the way I'm playing the game versus just about anyone else.

During these dark periods, I feel really behind in that great board game Life. Like I'm losing. And I hate to lose.

The thing is Life is not a competition. And I know that there is no one way to play the game. Just like in the actual board game, there is more than one direction you can take. And because there is no one way, it means there is no right way as well as no wrong way. Which also means that winning, that being successful, is defined by the individual player.

I know all this. Really I do. But it doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm behind from time to time. Feeling like I'm a failure.

But I'm not. I am extremely lucky and blessed. I'm also not a plastic stick figure in a tiny plastic car. Stuck in a forgotten board game box. So there's that.

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