My fellow women, life as we know it will now become more difficult. Some idiot (or idiots) at North Carolina State University has conducted a study on the regular performance of fellatio possibly reducing the risk of breast cancer.
Allow me to define fellatio for you in case you know it by its more common names: blowjob, BJ, head, a trouser friendly kiss.
Men all over this great country are forwarding this article to their wives, girlfriends, sex buddies, etc with an eyebrow wiggle that says "See, now you have to do it more often because if you don't you could get breast cancer and DI-EEE! You don't want to DI-EEE do you? Oh look at that, my pants are off."
And those of us that could get away with doing it on special occasions or once in a while, will now have to do it one to two times a week! Thanks a lot North Carolina State University. Assholes.
It was totally a man that developed this study. I just know it.
My favorite part of the article is the quote from Dr. AJ, who, it should be noted, is not involved with the study. "I am surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the occurrence of breast cancer in women."
You're excited Dr. AJ? What man reading this story didn't get an instant boner at the prospect of weekly blowjobs? (This is of course assuming Dr. AJ is in fact a man.)
P.S. Do not send this article to DF. I'm serious. Or I may shave off his eyebrows just so I don't have to see the eyebrow wiggle.