PART 1: HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs love red meat.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
PART 2: HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs don't come in drunk and expect loving.
Dogs don't notice when you've had a bad hair day.
Dogs understand when you cry.
Dogs don't ogle the girls at the beach.
Dogs like to cuddle as long as you do.
Dogs don't bring old army buddies home on the spur of the moment.
Dogs never promise "not to do it again"--whatever IT is.
Dogs love you more than they love anybody else.
Dogs never pinch waitresses in truck stops.
Dogs like YOUR friends too.
Dogs never act ashamed to be seen with you in public.
Dogs don't spend Sunday afternoons watching football--unless you do.
Dogs never get bored with you and look for someone younger and more exciting.
Dogs don't bury themselves in a newspaper at breakfast.
Dogs don't criticize the way you keep house.
Dogs love you unconditionally.
Dogs never correct your grammar.
Dogs don't care how long you talk on the telephone.
You never have to wonder if your dog really loves you.
Dogs don't demand to control the TV remote.
Dogs don't buy Penthouse.
Dogs never make negative comments on your figure.
Dogs never bitch about your cooking.
Dogs never have to take clients to topless bars.
Dogs never demand sex because it's "your duty."
You're always Number One with your dog.